02: Awakening through Kink & Tantra with BLIXX

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In this Episode I talk to my friends Arianne and Beatriz from BLIXX conscious sexuality about some of their most powerful awakening sexual experiences.

We talk about

• Releasing shame and trauma through BDSM and Kink
• Why consent and integrity is key
• Merging into oneness through Tantra
• What Tantra and Kink have in common
• Why exploring your sexuality and kinks can improve your whole life.

If you're interested in conscious Kink, check out Luna's free e-book here. https://www.sensualartistry.com/pl/2147512424

Luna: All right. So welcome to this episode. I'm joined by the Blixx babes. So Blixx is a brand and community around personal growth through conscious sexuality, more specifically around conscious kink. The founders Ariane and Beatrice and being in business and management backgrounds and leading international companies in Dubai and Singapore and both have been on the path of personal self development and spirituality since more than 10 years. Each individually exploring classic and neo tantra, yoga, massage, movement, breathwork and BDSM. They met in Belin three years ago and they started Blix as a conscious sex party mixing neo tantra, ropes and BDSM where all sexual expressions and orientations were welcome and celebrated. I met these beautiful babes, I think first in Berlin at the Explore Festival, I'm pretty sure it was the first time that we encountered each other. I went to one of their workshops, Kinky Tantric Speed Dating, and then got to connect. We had so much in common, I think we'd all seen each other online first. You guys followed me and we sort of like oh, we're doing the same kind of thing. That's awesome. So is there anything more each of you want to introduce or say about yourselves? 

Beatrice: Well, I think this is good enough for an intro. You can always say no more about ourselves on our Instagram or website. Hopefully we will get to talk about this at the end. 

Luna: So before we get into their storytelling, I was just saying before we connected on the call, I wanted to share a quick little story of one of their workshops that I attended at the Sexolution festivals, where I had my first third eye orgasm during a sex magic ritual, which was really amazing. We were in this beautiful lotus tent and I think it was a time where there was a lot of fires going and we’re all doing this collective intention to put out the fire in the amazon rainforest and bringing that energy and we’re doing breathwork through the chakras in the group self pleasure which was also amazing. Then there’s this moment when we were breathing out the third eye, I don’t know which one of you because my eyes was closed but someone put their finger on my third eye and I just had this “bluuurgh”, like a total insane experience of my third eye cracking open, my full body just like exploding. Then I had this super clear vision of my future retreat centre and how I was going to mix retreats and coaching and stuff all together, and I just started laughing manically, I was like, oh my God, it all makes sense. I was facilitated by these lovely humans. So I thought I'd share that their stuff's awesome, they're great facilitators. We're gonna go into a little storytelling each, just to share some of their experiences and how they got into their conscious sexuality, conscious kink realms and some experiences just to juice people up of what we do in our work. So Beatrice, you want to start? 

Beatrice: I'm going to tell you the story of my first BDSM experience. First I started to explore a conscious sexuality through tantra and I lived in Koppanggan in a tantric community for three years and I also had my tantric partner and when this was over, I was in my period of healing and when I thought I was over this relationship, I started to open Tinder again. I am chinching, checking on Tinder and I see this profile very fifty shades of grey. There was no pictures of the guy, only these kinds of images, very fifty shades of grey, this type of dome, with a suit and very traditional ritualistic kind of domination submission dynamics. So I put the answer like I was curious, I always wanted to try, I think it's in the conscious collective for many people to get dominated or to dominate someone. Before in my previous relationships, I was asking for it but no one really knew how to deliver. So of course I experienced a little bit like one is spanking at that time while intercourse but never really, really deep. So I don't know, I was curious. I put a check and I passed it over, and then the guy replied immediately and his communication skills were totally amazing and he really got me into an appointment with him. All right, so I remember I was very nervous, I was very new, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know anything about safety or trauma or whatever. So I just jumped on it and well, I cancelled this date a couple of times but the guy was really really making it happen, so we made it happen. Then I arrived to the venue and the guy was very dark. He is this kind of dark masculine penetrative energy, really mysterious. I was like, wow, what is going on? and he opened the door really serious and I remember he checked on myself and it's like, wow, you are exactly how I imagined. Then he made me walk the stairs and everything was really mysterious and I remember walking up these stairs and he was behind me and I could feel his eyes really penetrating and I was getting horny and scared at the same time. I didn't know what kind of, what the fuck was that, such a strong energy. So we arrived to the living room and then he gave me a present, and he's like, "Okay, this is a dress for you. I hope you like it. I would like you to wear it.", he gave me the dress and I go to the toilet and the dress was perfect. This guy bought me the dress of my dreams. It was just perfect. I remember we were in an island, it was a very summer dress and you could see a little bit of my underwear. So I remember being in the toilet, changing and say, "Should I leave my underwear or take it out?" Very well, I know it's the first date, so I'm gonna leave it on. So I go out of the bathroom to the living room and he had the dinner there, amazing with some wine. and then he just stands, he stares at me and he goes really slowly, he looks from my head to my toe, he turns me around and again and then he turns me around, he looks at my eyes and he goes and removes the underwear. All like that in silent, super slow with this dark energy, like three minutes to do this thing that looks like an eternity and I was already fucking dripping wet and really don't understanding what was going on because the guy I was not particularly attracted to his physical body, but it was like this kind of polarity, this dynamics, energy dynamics. So anyway, we just have some food and some wine. At some point I remember I stand and then I go to my bag somewhere else in the living room and at this moment he asked me to stand and then to go on with my force and I was doing that and I was like what the fuck I'm doing? A lot of judgments like what is happening, I can't really comprehend what is driving me. So I went and then he asked me to come on his fours. And when I arrived to him, he caressed my face and he put me a corya and then we were playing like that. Then very soon we went into spanking, I had my first spanking session. I had spanking before, but never as a whole play like receiving a spanking session for a large amount of time. I don't remember maybe 20 minutes or something like that. And then through this spanking session, I went to, wow, so much happening, my self judgments, wow, why are you enjoying this so much? This is sick what you are doing, you don't even know this guy, this can be dangerous, a lot of judgments and at the same time, so much excitement. Then I went through a lot of childhood memories, the control that my mother was exercising when I was a kid, and as well, my mother, I would say is a little bit of balance or at least when I was a kid, very emotionally unstable. So she was using a lot of violence and a lot of drama, I mean not physical violence but with her language and for anything, she was making a drama. After that, she will realise this was not right and then she will come and she will ask for forgiveness and this was the moment where I would feel more love by my mother after going through all the pain. All these things, all these memories were just like popping up and I was in the experience and at the same time really realising about the potential, the hidden potential of a conscious kink and these kinds of practices to access childhood memories, so it was incredible. We made love and then we ended in a relationship. Through the relationship, I realised that he was a narcissist, he was someone really sick and really acting very unconsciously, he has domination tendencies. I started to educate myself. Well, I suffered a lot in this relationship and then I started to educate myself about trauma and everything. So anyway, I walked through the fire and I had a lot of experiences in my life, which now I realise how little safe they were. A lot of things to say here, one is to recognize the conscious kink as a potential and another thing is just the need to explore these kinds of experiences in a container that is safe, that you can negotiate boundaries, you can really be empowered. I realised how dangerous it was, me going into this dynamic, I didn't know anything about how to negotiate a scene, what is a trauma, we didn't have safe work. For me, it was very sexy, but then when I look at the consequences that this thing had and the impact, it was so difficult for me to really release this emotionally from my system. It was like a lot of domination, I didn't know how deep these things could work- both things, the potential of healing through sexuality, through conscious kink and through these kinds of practices in the body, because you can really access childhood memories through the body and through somatic experiences and as well the importance of doing this in a controlled environment with a trauma aware facilitators in a safe space. 

Luna: Beautiful. This has been a conversation coming up a bit lately around like that we don't have the proper consent and boundaries and it can still be an awakening experience, but it can easily tip over into being a traumatic experience like there's such this fine line if it's not done carefully and gracefully, that excitement and just diving into the unknown and diving into the mystery and that kind of level of surrender can have big powerful awakening energy. Going into this kind of scene without any idea what you're doing, just knowing that there's this call to explore that and to try it. But then seeing sometimes there can be consequences to not being careful and it's a really fine line. It's not saying that you absolutely should never ever do anything without it being totally, perfectly discussed and negotiated, but if you don't do it safely, then definitely it can be awakening and liberating or it can end up being a really murky thing that takes just as much effort to clear and to heal from as it did to awaken. 

Beatrice: Well, I had a relationship for three months and it took me three years to completely recover. Be aware. 

Luna: Exactly. Thank you for sharing that. So what's your… obviously a lot of takeaways there around like the healing power and all that, if you could do it again in a different way, where you'd still want to be having that kind of first time experience, but if you could go back in time and choose a slightly different way of doing it, how would you go about that now with the knowledge that you have? 

Beatrice: Well, obviously like having a conversation knowing exactly if my dome or the person provided this experience is acting from his or her needs or is really a challenge for me to have an experience that is going to serve me. I think this is the main takeaway, to have this dynamic clear, it can be a taken experience. Why not? The other person wants to take from me, I want to offer this experience because this is what gives this person pleasure, then it's okay. But let's have a conversation and let me know why do you want to take and what these things does for you and how much inner work you have done, how much you know how your daddy and mommy issues impact your sexual life and how much you know about trauma awareness and how much can you hold me if suddenly a big, big trauma happens. 

Luna: Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Ariane, is there anything you wanna share on that? 

Ariane: To the story of Patricia, I heard it so many times and I still love it. 

Luna: Cool. Do you want to share your story now? 

Ariane: I like to share my first tantric lovemaking that I had with a friend of mine in 2016. My friend and I were about to fall in love. We spent a lot of time together and a few months before I travelled to India, I had a dream about people being super naked and loving each other and being super intimate with each other. Out of this dream I started the search of like where do I find this place? So I went to swingers clubs, I went into different things and different experiences, people were telling me you need a mass orgy. Then I met the guy and he was like have you heard about tantra in India? And I was like wow what is this? So I took time off, I flew to Tantra and I immersed myself into the philosophy of Tantra and coming back from there equipped with new tools, with new awareness around the world that has felt to me when I first entered it as something that I had experienced before. It felt like a deep sense of coming home to myself through all the breathing and all the slowness and all the sensuality. So back with my friend, I invited him over. We had a beer, we shared a lot of laughter, and I had workshop experiences where I learned what transfiguration is. So to look into somebody else's eyes and to really immerse into that but I never shared this with somebody where I was really emotionally involved. So I proposed that to him and he was like, yeah, let's do it. So we're sitting there opposite each other, and looking into each other's eyes and they could see all the intensity of my emotions that so many stories that I would tell myself but I was like just sitting there and observing it and allowing everything all the shyness and the awkwardness and also the love to just appear and disappear within myself and after some moments I have no idea how long like I'd lost sense of time and that his face changed, the shape of his face would shift and my mind would tell me in the first moment like now you're totally losing it, you're getting crazy here, what is happening? And I saw a wolf in him and I saw different faces in him but I guess still I always come back to my breath, to my body. I did not attach any rational explanation to what was actually happening and through this I could think even deeper, and after some time of observing, I felt such a deep unconditional love for this person, like my heart was totally bursting open and I started to cry and it was, there was so much beauty. I felt so seen and I felt so dissolved from the sense of like, who am I? I felt so deeply connected on a very deep soul level. From there, we immersed into a hug and we synchronised our breath and we've been breathing together. In this embrace, I totally lost sense of like this is my body and this is his body and then it connected to such a deep level of like a deep feeling of oneness and deep feeling of like there is something bigger out of the union of two people, there is something much bigger that we can access to. I felt very lot of divinity, a lot of sacredness, it felt all this hug was kind of a Brea inviting the the gods and the spirits into the space and it was was deeply touching me and I had lots of waves from my body and shivering and a lot of ecstasy and joy that was present. Out of this meeting, we never coupled up, this was our most intense experience that we had, but what it brought for me, like a deep connection to my creativity. I wrote a poem after this experience that I had and I would love to to read this poem that I wrote about this experience. The poem is called Electric Dynamic. 

Electric Dynamic, an infinite moment where ecstatic turns into a divine rhythm of electric dynamic. 

I feel you beyond the boundaries of this earthly shell, connected in electric dynamic. 

Igniting our fire of passion and devotion, our molecules dancing in eternity, our chakras swinging to the rhythm of our love, feeling me, you, us, all one. 

God is Soham. 

Vibrating, pulsating, energetic opening, freedom, breath, all dances. 

All cells of our bodies entangled now and ever. 

Om Shiva Maha Chai Shiva Om Shakti Maha Chai Shakti. 

Letting go and sweet surrender with all that there be in full abundance. 

Falling and being held safe and protected high above and down below to the deepest alleys of our consciousness. 

Healing me, you as all one. God is Soham. 

Our transcending transition, seeding, spreading, multiplying, this electric dynamic of our lovemaking.

Seeing what I've never seen before, exploring where I've never been for sure. 

With me in purity and truth, here in self-responsibility. 

Connecting souls within the among and beyond me, you, us all one.

God is Soham. 

Luna: I love these two stories and a lot of people's perception about Tantra and kink is these two kind of opposites and these two stories when you first hear them could think that like oh wow these are totally separate things like this kinky scene, with all this emotions and kind of trauma release and intensity and shame and this merging and oneness and unity and this blissful taste of tantric lovemaking. So I'd love to hear from both of you since you both work with tantra and kink and me do this kind of crossover between them, how you both feel these two seemingly opposite things can dance and merge and come together? 

Ariane: In our places or in the experiences that we're providing, we bring them together because one through tantra, it brings like a deeper level of self-awareness, of mindfulness, of being very present and also the element of slowing things way down and through kink, we add the spices and also the excess of playfulness because our sexuality is our expression of our playfulness, of our creativity. So by combining both of them, we can really use sexuality as a tool for learning about ourselves, for personal growth, but also for spiritual growth because in the end, there's a whole palette, a whole variety of what encounter and sexuality can mean. Usually for me, before I started this journey, I was very narrow in how I was thinking what sex should be, and all of a sudden, it enriches all of my life. All of a sudden it's everywhere through allowing to combine the divine and the playfulness, the roles and the archetypes, to step into different personas and personalities through that. I think it's going along wonderfully in this field. 

Luna: The unity and that melting and oneness, do you find you can still experience that in Kink or how have you experienced that with the more BDSM side that merging or have they felt like they go together or do you feel like it's more like the polarity on one side and the merging the other?

Beatrice: They are the same in essence because the tantra is the science of polarities, the match of Shiva-Shakti, the match of the feminine and the masculine and in human body as well the doing and the being, this is what leads to manifestation. Kink is the domination and submission, the masculine and the feminine pole, the active and the receptive are exactly the same. Inside of BDSM you can explore different archetypes, you can play more the brat and bratamer, more teasing, the submission being more bratty, but it's the same as well. There are two polarities. So you can explore more primal, the prey and the predator. But it's still, when it's the hunter and the other one is the one that hunts and there are two polarities. The Shibari, the rigger and the bunny, this is an active fall. The rigger and the bunny who receives the ropes is total surrender. So we are talking about different practices to do the same and to achieve the same, which is to manifest something together and to unite in the middle to create this oneness. 

Luna: I love that. I find in rope scenes where you really dive in and you're both in that flow state, it's like you also then transcend. There's the bunny and the rigger, but then in the end, there's just rope happening or like there's just like this. It kind of gets past that separation of I'm tying you and you're receiving and suddenly this ongoing flowing dance of consciousness and pleasure and everything at once. These two separateness merging as one and separating, it's such a beautiful thing to encounter and experience. You both got into teaching this stuff and wanting to guide people, I guess, based on your own experiences, both like the super positive ones, like, oh my God, this is so amazing. I want everyone to experience this and also like, here's where I fucked up and I don't want other people to make the same mistakes I made. So, what's your favourite thing about doing this work? 

Beatrice: Well, for me, it's self knowledge. The knowledge that you get through sexuality. Sexuality is life force, is the energy that barred us, is the energy that goes through our veins. The exploration of this force and as well how are my life force is polarized with the other and what effects this my life force has on you is life, it's not only on the bed, These are the dynamics that you have with your boss, the polarity games. It's a power game, the dynamics that you have in nature, when you are smelling a flower, you are smelling the pussy of a plant, it's everywhere. So for me, it has been when my personal development path, the exploration of sexuality is the one single thing that has taught me more about myself, about others and about the universe. This is the transmission, we create the experience for people to know themselves deeper. It's not us. We just create the experience for this life or this Kundalini, this energy manifests in different ways depending on who they are, their patterns, their way of seeing the world and things like that. You can observe, you can have an amplified version of who you are and know yourself better and as well accept this part of yourself that are yours and expand and expand and expand. 

Ariane: For me it's also the self-knowledge, but I'm more turned on by seeing people stepping into their empowerment through this self-knowledge, as Petri said, but also knowing that they can handle any situation. I truly believe if we can step up in an intimate encounter to speak our truth, we can do it in all our areas of our life. I'm super turned on when I see people understanding and stepping into their self-responsibility as being able to respond from a space of fullness and not react from a triggered space. This changes everything, like all areas of life. Once you learn how to hold yourself and how to liberate yourself, your authentic being and really have the confidence to stand in that. This is what turns me on a lot. Seeing people expressing their desires and boundaries and navigating with more ease and creating the intimate relationships and the relationships in general that they wish to see in the world is why I'm like, fuck yeah. This is why we're providing the spaces that we're providing as an adult playground in a way for rewiring our understanding of relating to ourselves and to add us. 

Luna: I love that. I definitely learned so much for so many areas in my life through going to these kinds of events and workshops and things I didn't realise how much I struggled with a lot of areas of life, like recognizing what I wanted and knowing how to ask for it and how many times I would freeze in conflict and just avoid conflict altogether and just go super avoidant. There's so many ways in regular life we have excuses of why like, oh yeah, it's because I'm not being proud or I'm not greedy or I don't know, like we can brush off this a lot of different ways, but then in sexual encounters and erotic encounters suddenly we're really faced with our resistances and our fears and our inability to speak our desires.It actually can be really damaging in those situations. So it really shines this big light on like, wow, you can't ask what you want, you don't think you're worthy of what you want, you don't deal with conflict well, you don't deal with rejection well and when you actually get to these core pieces and be like, okay, can I own my desires and ask for them? Can I ask for what I want and be okay with getting a no? Can I deal with conflict situations without going into a victim role and in an empowered sense? All this place is such a training ground for the rest of your life and this is why I really try to share this with people as well. It's not just about learning how to spank someone. There's so much else that's going on when we teach this and it's giving people so many other skills that are transferable to so many areas of their life. Are there any other things that you both want to share about your work and your offers or any final things around this topic that you feel like sharing with people? 

Beatrice: Yes! So we have offerings coming up. We are going to focus this year, 2022, in-person events, experiences, and retreats, only retreats. actually. We are going to have retreats for people who come as a single, from individuals, or who come as a partner, but they don't mind to switch partners, they can stay together, but as well, they are free to experience other people. Also retreats for couples, people who come with a partner and want to stay together with a partner. For a group of friends, for lovers, whatever, but you know to work in partnerships. We are going to have these retreats in Amsterdam for couples, for some Valentine and Easter. So it's a good moment to take holidays and for singles we have in May and September and coaching. We are doing a lot of coaching. This is something that can be done online, as well for individuals and for couples. We love to work with couples and help them to reignite their passion. This is something that we are doing a lot right now. In the present moment, we have a few couples going through this experience and we are more and more in love with this work and seeing them racing in love instead of falling in love. 

Luna: Beautiful. I hope to finally get to join a retreat again. I'm glad that things are finally opening up again. We were going to collaborate on a retreat. It was meant to be last year, but then COVID got me stuck in Australia and stuff. I've been hoping to get these lovely humans at one of my Sensual Arts Retreats or something. So hopefully, since I'm going to be back in Europe, we can all collaborate and finally do some magical things together, as long as no new strains come and rain on our party but we're going to be positive that it's all back. 

Ariane: Let's hope so! It would be lovely to see you and feel you and do cool things with you. 

Luna: Yay. And for people that are elsewhere in the world, I definitely either recommend connecting with others all online or connecting these lovely humans or there's also lots of other lovely people running similar kind of events and stuff and really encouraging people if you're interested in tantra, if you're interested in kink and stuff, get educated and empowered and get confidence to explore it because it's some magical stuff whether you're doing it with us or you're doing it in other ways. I really want people to all be getting a feel that awakening we do. 

Beatrice: We want to raise consciousness through the exploration of sexuality in whatever way or form. We really want to make this world full of empowered beings who know about themselves, who know how to take pleasure from life and be happy and sane. 

Luna: We want these sexy temple nights and parties to be a regular thing all over the world. Well, thank you both so much for joining me. If people want to connect with them, look at the description, I'll have their websites and details and stuff there.

Ariane: Thank you for having us, Luna. 

Beatrice: Thank you very much and all the best with this podcast. I hope you can reach many, many beings.