Consent Violation Policy

Harm caused is a subjective experience - we acknowledge that only those involved can say what the degree of harm caused was in a violation, and no one should try to persuade them that it was not as bad as it felt for them. We always offer compassion and empathy to the person harmed and allow them to be in their experience and feel what they need to feel. We give space for those emotions but aim to not take them on, and set appropriate boundaries when needed if the emotional harm is being projected onto the support team.

It is normal and expected that perception will vary between people involved and we give space for that, knowing there are always multiple perspectives and lenses to view an encounter that encompass the situation as well as both peoples histories. We give space to the different stories and look in the space between too.

We acknowledge that this is complicated, messy and multi-layered work with often no clear and perfect solution to a problem, but we aim to find balance with creating safety, supporting those who were harmed, educating and supporting growth to prevent future harm, maintaining confidentiality and finding loving resolution whenever possible.

In incidents we must give more rights to the person reporting the offense in the short term and can not let the rights of the reported person overshadow the need for safety from the one who was harmed. We also want to recognise the person who was reported against may also have needs and try to assist and support them with compassion as well, though the priority must go to the reporter. We recognise that false reports can happen and sometimes the accused is not in the fault, though we know this is much more rare. We aim for restorative justice and harm reduction in the future and want to offer support for those who want to change or grow.

We do not demonize or cause harm to the one reported against and give space for the potential that the situation wasn’t what it seemed and acknowledged that trauma and suffering often creates perpetrators, so aim to hold compassion for this and not inflict more on them.

We aim to clarify if the violation was an accident or a serious violation and recognise both have different needs.

• Accidental Violations where there was no clear consent but no explicit boundary crossed can cause harm and suffering but are not a reason to remove or ban a person from an event and both parties should be supported. The exception being if a serious trauma response is activated and safety for the person reporting is prioritised. - We aim to understand and acknowledge impact of both people in the situation and help create more clarity for future situations, aiming for it to be a learning experience and growth opportunity. We offer support for them both to integrate and heal from the situation.

• Serious Violations are when there was no consent or boundaries were crossed and have significant impact on the person who reported the incident. - The person making the report gets absolute priority in this situation for their physical and emotional wellbeing. The accused may also need support and this can be offered if available and not impacting the reporter. It is more likely they will need to leave the event and be offered support following up later. Safety of the group is always prioritised and serious violations are grounds for immediate removal from the space.

If someone wants to make a police report for a serious violation they are always supported in this. We do not try to convince someone not to make a report or pressure them out of it, though compassionate inquiry and inviting a calmed nervous system before deciding to report is encouraged rather than reaction from a trauma response.

We do our best to mediate and hold space for the healing of the violation- with seperate conversations and councelling or potential mediated conversations. If we feel it is out of our debt we find external support. Generally this is paid for by the accused but we stay open to supporting this process if needed.

We recognise solutions and healing aren’t always possible and give space for their to be no final peacemaking and know this is ok and forgiveness isnt needed or required.

People who are deemed to be serious consent violators should not be brought back into open play spaces unless a full accountability and healing process was undertaken and people feel absolutely safe.

We recognise there is always nuance and potential for variations where this policy may not be appropriate or in best interest and leave space for community wisdom to find the best solution for a given situation.

Accountability Processes

It is best to refer out to an accountability service for this if you feel it is out of your depth. Accountability can differ depending on the situation, who is involved, how many times they have had a violation and many more factors. - www.safe-mediation.com